I THINK I AM ADDICTED TO AUTOMOBILES AND WOMEN

I've a knack for automobiles and women since I started living my adult life in the early 1980's. My addiction to these things had started with motorbikes and cars before I picked up on women. 

As I recall correctly, it was in 1985 when I bought two cars all at once, in addition to my large motorbike because I couldn't find happiness in that damn motorbike. I drove those two cars and rode my motorbike for three years before trading them in for other two cars and a motorbike. Ever since then I developed a habit of trading them every after three years, why three years; I don't know!

Nevertheless, I had gotten so used to owning two cars and a motorbike all the time, so much so that up to this day I still own two cars and a motorbike. I could never live without them, me owning only one car or one bike; never, I can't do that or else I would burn the damn thing down to the ground out of frustration. I think I am sick in the head or something! 

 But one thing I can tell you is that I am very smart when it comes to looking after my cars. I've never thrown a car away by lousy accident before. I don't even need a little scratch on my cars or bike, otherwise I wouldn't sleep until it's panel beaten! It's due to that reason that I always trade my cars and bikes while still looking brand new even. Like now, I've a new fleet of wheels which I am trading in for new ones this coming November 2014. You can see them here, they still look like brand new cars. That's how I want them!

Oh yes, I love my cars and motorbike very much! I am very successful in owning automobiles, but quite unsuccessful at keeping women! Oh God, maybe I shouldn't even go there; because women and I don't understand each other at all. The poor things are childish! 

I love women very much and I can't live without them, but they can't live with me! See, my story is that I like marrying them since I can't have a woman for a girlfriend much longer before turning her into a wife! But I think that's where my problem with women starts because once in my house as a wife, they tend to become sloppy and I don't like that very much! I need a clean and respectful wife all the time. 

                                                         See, in my culture, a woman or rather a wife needs to know her place in the house! And basically, in our tradition, a woman has got no place in the house but the kitchen; let alone a mouth on her face! The moment a woman starts ordering her husband around, that's it; that woman has got to go!

In my culture, every man is a king in his house, his wife and kids are the servants and that's it! But oh boy; I tell you, such mentality has cost me five wives already! Unlucky me, all those five marriages of mine had ended up in ruins because women are no more stupid! They would never let me play king in my own house, and that's very bad!  

The only best things that came out of my marriages to those five women, one at a time, are my seven kids who happen to be quite older than I am today! I love my children and grandchildren very much!!

Oh I almost forgot to mention that I am in love again after going through my recent divorce. I met this young beautiful looking woman who looks promising indeed. I think I am gonna marry her, again! The poor thing looks and behaves like she was born and brought up only for me. I love her dearly, I'll marry her soon I guess. I can't let her continue living with her parents without me knowing what she does during my absence or who she's seeing out there; no I want her home soon! 

But this time I'll change. I'll try to be a softy husband, even though that's not allowed in my culture. In my culture a man has got to do what a man has got to do. Not to be run over by some woman with a bad attitude!  But guess what; my ex-wives and girlfriends had one thing in common, telling me that I am a selfish bastard who cared for nobody but himself! Apparently I am abusive and somewhat very difficult to live with, they would say! 

It's funny that I believed them because I also find it very difficult to live with myself at times. See, with me there's no time for a little breather in life! My wife has got to do her work as good as I do mine or else she's gone! I need things to be neat and tidy all the time. Even during vacation I would never relax a bit, I don't know how to let go!

My wives always felt like shooting me dead whenever I forced them to take showers before going to sleep! Not only that, but I could never be made to eat filthy food or go to bed without taking a shower. The same goes for a woman I share a bed with! She would never just brush up her face and hope to join me in bed without taking a proper bathe, no ways!! And since I am allegic to dust, my bedroom has to be dust-free all the time, and the bedding changed every day! Unfortunately that's where my problems with women usually start, before I know it I would hear from their parents telling me to stop abusing their daughters for Godssake!!

But one thing I can't do is beat a woman. I've never assaulted a woman in my entire life before. I don't have a heart for that! My story is just shutting them out of my life when they behave funny towards me. But I think I am done doing such things, I am an old man now. After all, I am tired of divorcing, so this girl I am seeing will definitely score big time by marrying a settled chap in me. I'll treat her right...  

 

You Don't Know What You Have Until It's Gone!!

Uncle Piet: Archbishop Pietro Sambi

Sometimes I tend to think that Johns Hopkins hospital in Baltimore, Maryland – USA must be one of the luckiest hospitals on earth to have seen Uncle Piet go to rest! Up until that day I never thought Uncle Piet would die because he was too good for his own good! Grounded or rather down to the ground he had been all his life! We used to call him The Mountain, oh God; he hated that nickname very much. Uncle Piet was the only good person I knew! We all grew up to be just like him, even though at times I hated him just as much! 

Oh yes, I was surprised to hear people saying nice things about him when he died, all right! But some of those things they said about him were false because Uncle Piet was not nice! He was a good man but definitely not nice! Uncle Piet never took crap from anybody. He liked saying that apparently being a Christian didn't mean one had to be stupid! And indeed to him; life was like ending any time soon, therefore, there was no time for errors! You had to do everything perfectly well, all the time or else you would have him straight in your face! Uncle Piet was like Jesus Christ, he wasn't kind to fools; he never took jokes either!

But he had his moments when things were right, there you would see him laughing and cracking little jokes even! He had such a beautiful smile whenever things were right. Hence to keep him happy and smiling, we had to work hard all the time! Oh yes, Uncle Piet was the kindest person I knew. Unfortunately he could change any minute if one tried to take him for a ride! 

And of course, I wouldn't talk about his persona because he was the greatest friend one could have! Apart from hardworking like a slave, he was faithful and highly neat and tidy all the time! And he never took pleasure in little talks. His motto was that you had to shut up if you didn't have something worth mentioning. 

I miss him very much! Not only was he a great Uncle but such a good friend of mine. But now he’s gone... I try very hard to get over him but I can’t because he lives in me! I still hear his voice. I see him in good people around me. Fortunately he had trained me very well to be free of anybody! Thanks to him, I've a brick in my chest instead of a human heart. But I am also kind just like him!

Nonetheless, even though I am deeply hurt by his untimely passing, deep down I am thankful to God for having blessed the world with his life. Hence I pray that God would continue blessing Uncle Piet’s immediate family, friends, and colleagues. And that God would forever rest his soul and the souls of the faithful departed...

(Joseph Sambi)